Wednesday, March 30, 2005

hey man, nice shot

Guns don't kill people. Stupidity does.

This one sounds somewhat suspicious, but it's hard to imagine what the guy would be trying to hide when his cover story is this stupid:

Joseph Stanton (29) was cooking, so of course he set his loaded 9mm on the counter... best not to try and juggle cooking utensils and a handgun at the same time. Seems prudent enough, if you don't question the guy's need to have a handgun within arms reach at all times. Just when he had his back turned, his sneaky little cat crept up and pushed the gun off the counter. Upon striking the floor, the gun fired and and pegged the guy 'in the lower abdomen'.

Shot in the ass by a cat. Might be the universe's way of trying to tell him something. ('Never turn your back on a cat'? Or perhaps 'never leave one in the chamber'? Is 'get a fucking clue' too general?)

Michael Lewis (27) just wanted to spend a leisurely afternoon outdoors... so he used a .22 shell on the picnic table for target practice with his pellet rifle. Apparently the guy is a pretty good shot - he hit the shell, which fired right back at him, striking him in the groin. Police said 'the bullet apparently lodged near major nerves and arteries' and they hope to speak with Lewis again because 'at the time, he was uncooperative'. Umm, yeah. Who wouldn't be? It seems unlikely that Lewis will be able to reproduce after this, and I for one would like to thank him for removing himself from the gene pool.

In both cases I wonder what really happened... it might have gone down the way they said it did, but I have this theory that most really spectacular fuckups are immediately preceded by someone saying 'hey, check this out'.