wither in the light

Polyphonic Spree singer Brian Teasley unwittingly and unknowingly shut down a whole terminal of the Dallas Fort Worth airport when a microphone in his luggage was mistaken for a pipe bomb.

When his luggage didn't show up on the carousel, Teasley filled out a lost-luggage form and walked away, unaware that behind him the feds were locking the place down. When he got home, the Men In Black were waiting for him:

"I had Taco Bell in my hand, and all of a sudden, these cars block me in my driveway. They've all got tinted windows, 'X-Files' style," he said. "Then here comes one guy with a bulletproof vest on, another with a gun showing. It was a very harrowing day."

Teasley explained that the item in question was not a pipe bomb, but a microphone.

"I told them we had just used it when we were on Craig Kilborn's show," he said. "I still had it on my TiVo, so I was like, 'Come watch it with me.' After they figured out I was telling the truth, they were pretty cool. I was talking to them about music. But thank God for TiVo."

Damn, snatched from the jaws of The Man by a souped-up VCR... I just wonder if they did a controlled detonation on his suitcase. I mean if they actually opened the damn thing, how arcane can a microphone be? Form follows function - or maybe that's just what the terrorists want you to think.