Friday, August 27, 2004

burning sensations

Right now I'm taking a break from packing for Burning Man. We planned to leave early tomorrow morning, but I've been laid up for large parts of the last few days and Anne-Marie is currently walking the Portland-to-coast route, so the car is still astoundingly unpacked. Time constraints and heavy rains seriously impacted the work we were doing on our monstrous new shade structure, so we are going to commit the #1 Burningman newbie fuckup and beta-test the thing onsite - various parts of it have been built, but the whole thing has never been completely assembled. I'm taking alot of tools and about a mile of duct-tape and a bunch of extra rebar and rope. If you see me chasing our structure across the playa, feel free to grab a rope and help tame the beast.

I'm more than a little worried about going on this trip in the physical condition I am in, but I could use the spiritual recharge... and I'm usually (on days when I don't have to pack the car for long roadtrips) pretty good about pacing myself, taking some time to lie down and chill before the pain and cramping get too bad, if I have a choice. Depression-wise, I need this trip... on top of my ongoing Oscar-worthy performance pretending I'm not in pain or about to puke all the time, I also find that I need to set aside my depression to interact with the neighbors... not that it's a bad thing, just that every once in awhile I'll feel the oomph go out of my smile and I get hit with a wave of depression so severe that I about fall over, but I'm still in the middle of a conversation and I have to fight to keep going, using energy I don't have. Hopefully I'll have more energy when I get back from this trip.

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