wither in the light

Well, Anne-Marie has recuperated from her illness in her usual style: the other day she was out back hauling firewood, her IV line wrapped close to her arm with an ace bandage. We removed the line (ick) on Tuesday, and now we're back to just one sick person in the house, a role I fill more than adequately. I've had a pretty rough week, going 4 days without sleep, then crashing pretty hard after getting violently ill. The only good thing about being so ill is that I am occasionally able to sleep without the use of drugs, although my dreams lately have left me a bit shaken. I wouldn't say I'm depressed; from where I am you might just be able to see 'depressed' if you looked up with a telescope.

Spring is a double-edged sword... the world is waking up, and everyone I know is waking with it, but things aren't really changing for me. The little bit of the world I see out the window is covered with leaf and bloom, but more than that I see it in the eyes of Anne-Marie, the light that fights back the months of winter darkness and looks forward to summer's promise. I wish I felt like this was a trip I was going to be taking as well, but right now my hopes aren't too high.

On the bright side: Anne-Marie put a little bowl of birdseed on the porch-rail outside my window, and the bluejays come to visit quite a bit, when they are sure there aren't squirrels about.