Friday, April 02, 2004

personal update 02 april 04

Yesterday I went in for two hours of MRI's... I've never had one before, and while I knew I'd be in this Star-Trek-ish tube, I had no idea it would be so loud. They did my brain and the whole spinal cord, so hopefully when I see the neurologist in a few weeks he'll have everything he needs to determine what the problem is.

Of course going to the hospital to get the MRI meant getting out of bed, which is something I don't generally do lately. The physical activity (this is just 'walking' and 'riding in a car', mind you) laid me out for the rest of the day, with dizziness and shivering and cold sweats and vomiting, even though I'd eaten nothing. My stomach was so violent that I started drinking water just to have something to throw up. Definitely some wires crossed somewhere. I finally fell asleep sitting up, bundled in every blanket I could find, and I didn't wake up until Anne-Marie got home from work the next morning. (That's like the second time in a year that I've slept without the help of medication.) Today I've still got the nausea and dizziness, but the cold sweats and shivering have stopped, and I'm not vomiting. Hooray.

I really hope the neurologist finds something fixable. It's pretty bad when I start looking forward to the possibility of a brain tumor - at least then I'd know why this was happening, and have some hope of recovery. Hope visits me only rarely these days. Being laid out in bed for over a year without a diagnosis or any real relief is wearing me out.

As always: I haven't forgotten my friends, I just don't write as much as I did in the past. I get tired of answering "how are you doing?", and being sick for so long (i.e. 'having something wrong with me') is having more of a mental effect that I'd expected (i.e. I always feel like there is something wrong with me). I don't think I'm explaining that very well, but it's probably a textbook problem for people with chronic pain. I'll try to keep in touch. In the meantime, keep clapping. (I've lost track of how many faeries have died because you weren't clapping hard enough.)