Friday, December 19, 2003

Share the love

The folks at are sharing their love for the Hummer H2 Urban Assault Vehicle that so many assholes are driving to the grocerystore each day.

The H2 is the ultimate poseur vehicle. It has the chassis of a Chevy Tahoe and a body that looks like the original Hummer; i.e. it's a Chevy Tahoe in disguise.

The H2 is a gas guzzler. Because it has a gross vehicle weight rating over 8500 lbs, the US government does not require it to meet federal fuel efficiency regulations. Hummer isn't even required to publish its fuel economy (owners indicate that they get around 10 mpg for normal use). So while our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our "spoils of victory" during each trip to the grocery store.

You can submit your own contribution to the project, or view others here.

SUVs are the powdered-wig and tights of the new decadence: another absurdity grafted onto the status quo that makes people look like even bigger idiots. If you drive a car that gets 10 miles per gallon, you're not only supporting foreign terrorists, you're also supporting domestic price-fixing fatcats who buy legislation that allows increasing destruction to happen to the planet. Now I'm all for seeing the planet go down in a ball of flames, but I fear that I won't get that luxury, I'll just have to keep huffing your exhaust and watching the world die without getting the payoff of seeing the ultimate end of greed and hatred.

Here's a news clip from a recent SUV wreck:

At least two people were injured Monday afternoon after a motorist drove a new Hummer through a red light, slammed into two vehicles and then sped down the wrong side of the road and hit two more vehicles, police said.

One car hit by the Hummer caromed into a van, making for a total of six vehicles in what looked to other drivers like a demolition derby...

...The crash tied up rush-hour traffic on DeBarr Road. At 6:15 p.m., two hours later, the maroon Hummer lay crossways in the eastbound lanes of DeBarr, its front end mashed to an unrecognizable tangle, its door alarm ringing and radio playing.

"It's still got that new-car smell," Davis said.

Ahhh, that new car smell... you can have it. Me, I'm breaking out the digital camera, see if I can add a few submissions to