Thursday, December 18, 2003

Peace on earth, good will towards... well, none of you wankers, that's for sure

Clearly, the best solution in these troubled times is for people to fight against the ever-increasing separation between us and our fellow humans... isolationism breeds ignorance and fear, fear leads to hatred, hatred leads to... *eep* I sound like Yoda.

But if you just can't get it together to open up your life to the people around you, some interprising capitalists have just the thing for you: wallpaper with life-sized pictures of ordinary people in ordinary domestic situations so you don't have to feel lonely this Christmas.

"The friends we provide are not very talkative, but they are guaranteed not to argue with you at Xmas, promise to be there all the time and don't leave dirty dishes or argue over the TV remote control."

...According to Schmidt the next step is to create personalised "partner wallpaper" for people who only see their partners at the weekend.

I can just imagine the headlines when some poor housewife comes home to find her husband sitting before a life-sized simulacrum of the 'other woman'.

TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISIONS, GO OUT INTO THE WORLD, AND TALK TO PEOPLE. It's better to have loved and lost than to have been a fucking pathetic loser from the start.