Sunday, December 28, 2003

As long as we're rewriting history...

... we might as well get rid of that pretender to the throne, Queen Elizabeth, and reinstate the rightful King of England: Michael Abney-Hastings, forklift driver.

This is actually a sort of consolation post... since the last post was pretty depressing for the French, I figured they needed something to cheer them up: they will be pleased to note that King Edward IV, who reigned from 1461 to 1483, was the illegitimate son of a French archer. Sacre bleu!

One of Britain's leading historians, medieval scholar Dr Michael Jones, says his research shows the heirs of King Edward IV's younger brother, the Duke of Clarence, are the rightful rulers of England. Jones has found historical documents that show that at the time of Edward IV's conception, his parents were 160km apart: Richard Duke of York was fighting the French at Pontoise while Lady Cicely Neville was 'apparently deeply engrossed in the company of a local archer' at Rouen.

This isn't really new news, just newly rediscovered news. King Louis XI of France is recorded as shouting about Edward: "His name is not King Edward - everybody knows his name is Blaybourne!' (the surname of the French archer). Edward's family launched a 'concerted campaign' to stifle these rumours, even going so far as to suggest that the conception had taken place in May 1440 in Yorkshire, before the royal parents set sail for France... even though that would have been an 11-month pregnancy.