wither in the light

Yesterday, just for the record, was the most painful day I have ever had... I almost went to the hospital, but luckily I finally got some relief from the various drugs I'm on and got a few hours of sleep. The problem in my side was severely aggravated, and my guts felt like they were tied in knots... I've never had it as bad as this, and I hope I don't have it that bad again.

There is still some part of me that just watches what is happening to me, this quiet observer... there are times that the pain is so extreme that any response to it would be futile, so I just sit it out, and part of me wonders, from second to second, whether or not I can continue to take it. If it gets that bad again today I'm going in to the hospital, but I don't know that they can do much for me... knock me out, perhaps, for which I would be truly grateful.

I've had a rough couple of days... the change in my medications has been somewhat difficult, and some of the problems I have been having in recent days are suspiciously like withdrawal symptoms, which wouldn't be surprising since I'm ramping down off of the narcotics I've been on for a couple of years. I hope that means that some of what I am experiencing right now will go away... this isn't a sustainable amount of pain.